Brothers

For the first time I really feel like I'm beginning to parent brothers instead of just sons.  I spend all day vigilantly separating, correcting, refereeing, debriefing, time-out(ing), and doing damage control with these two little ones.  Toby, on his own, is quite content to play independently exploring his world and sucking on every little thing.  He is not easily excitable and seems to enjoy quiet, focused, solitude where he is left to simply wander and figure things out.  Silas, on his own, is more demanding wanting Mommy to watch and see and experience everything he does.  However, he can sometimes be counted on to play with his legos alone or is incredibly engaged and fun to do activities with.  

But (cause there is always a but), when these two boys are in the same room [which we have been forced to be due to our kitchen renos], here comes trouble.  Silas is ever in Toby's face grabbing his feet, bonking his head, pushing him over, taking his toys, commanding his attention, and telling him what to do.  This makes Toby cry and whine.  If it's not Silas instigating, then Toby is ever into Silas's toys.  Whenever Silas finally gets into something like making lego towers or the like, Toby is right there beside him eyeing the same toys, crawling on his lego, grabbing things, pushing them over- not to be thwarted or distracted from his main mission: get whatever Silas has.

When did these boys get like this?

I mean it's cute that they like to be together -right?  It's cute that Silas wants Toby to chase after him after he takes his walker- right?  It's cute that Silas likes to pin Toby like a pancake to hug and kiss him-right?  

Okay okay, it's not all bad.  It's cute that when I go to wake up Silas (with Toby in tow) Toby grins hugely and that Silas tries to make Toby laugh. 

But generally speaking,  why can't they just leave each other alone?  I can't really ever leave the two of them alone in a room for even. one. minute.  Peeing in privacy?  Nope.  Washing dishes in the bathroom?  Nope.  Running up the stairs to grab something? Nope.  

grrrrrrrrr.

Silas wasn't thrilled about this arrangement

Close behind at Silas' heels...

But they are definitely cute together and I pray that they will someday learn to play together. Nicely.

Being Intentional

I'm approaching 28 [insert 'eeeek' here] and, I've had a few 'aha' moments along the way.  One more recent life lesson is about balancing commitments, time management, rest, goal setting, and family.  What is it?  Few things in life happen by accident.  I don't mean things that happen to us, cause in that department I think God is sovereign (whole other topic).  I mean related to personal accomplishments, disciplines, habits, growth and relationships. Maybe it's obvious to some, but for me, I didn't realize how many things need to be so very intentional.  I cannot just stumble into good health and eating habits.  I can't just relax every evening and kick back and expect to accomplish lofty goals.  I cannot just expect relationships to develop or heal if there is no time or energy or commitment made to them.  Rest time?  Doesn't happen unless we schedule it.  Time together as a couple?  Won't take place spontaneously- needs to be carved out.  All of these things take time and if I don't make time for them, extra time doesn't just come around.

So.  To be 'intentional' Jason and I have started some strategies since early 2012 that are really paying off:

1. Weekly Meetings
This will sound geeky, and it kinda is.  But every Sunday night Jason and I convene over hot drinks, snacks and our computers.  We chat about what's ahead for the week and plan our weekday evenings now that the kids are both in bed at 8.  What nights does one of us want to get some exercise?  What night should we plan a social activity   What are our commitments?   We love this time and keep 'business items' on our weekly agenda list so that when things come up during the week that we don't get time to discuss in full detail, we bring them up at our meeting.  Helps us stay on the same page and more organized.

2.  Rest Day
Things push in on us all the time.  We constantly have to say no to opportunities that we want to take because things always take up more time than we think they will.  That being said, we try try try to keep one day a week that we can rest.  What does this mean for us?  Jason takes the kids for part of the morning so that I can go away and do what I want to do, then we swap.  When kids are napping we get to have a nice lunch together and hang out, then we spend the rest of the day (often) with just the kids and us.  No, this doesn't always happen.  No, we sometimes have this time infringed on.  But, we keep carving this time back out again and are always very glad we made room for rest.

3. Monthly Themes
This is a new one.  We always have areas that we want to grow in, research more about, learn more about, and progress in.  However, it's hard to just carve out an evening here or there when so many other things are also demanding our time.  For example: finances.  The way we budget and spend needs constant tweeking, analyzing, and evaluating.  Or organization- how we run our home and our responsibilities- things could always be better organized.  Or schooling: how can we plan for Silas' schooling, what could we already be teaching him etc.  We've decided to have monthly themes for the next little while.  We want to have a month where we focus on finances, on schooling for Silas (and us), a month where we think about ways that we could make things run better in our home (ie. find a good grocery shopping app!), and a month where we research better places to buy local meats, veggies and learn more about how we could adjust our nutrition.  I'm super excited about our monthly themes and hope that it will help us focus, and set goals in each of these areas for the rest of the year.

4. Devotions
This is a tough one.  We are not great at carving out time to do devotions as a family (nor individually).  But we are working on it.  One thing we started to do that is inspired by Jason's Mom and Dad, is to start the habit of reading a Bible story after dinner.  We're impressed (and scared) by how much Silas pays attention and retains things we tell him or experiences we have together as a family.  This has pushed us to really be intentional about speaking scripture with Silas and sharing stories from the Bible.  We're excited to see how this has already changed our mealtimes.  We love having those few extra moments to really hear from Silas and share with him about some important God-lessons.

5. Reflection
This is one for me in particular.  There are a lot of areas I need to grow in personally.  I feel like I'm hitting some kind of mid-life time where I need to really deal with some baggage I'm carrying from the past and press on towards some emotional and spiritual maturity.  Not sure yet what this will look like but I am seriously considering taking some time away for counseling, having a retreat day once a year and have pursued mentorship where I can focus on personal growth.  I also want to be more intentional about choosing good books to read, asking myself some hard questions and being more ready to hear from God about things I need to change.  I'm taking a class at our women's group about wholeness (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and am very excited about some of the things I'm learning there.  Stay posted on this one...

Lastly:
6.  Using what I have
I realize that some of the things I spend money on are quite silly and really, I have the means to do more at home than I realize.  Case in point: I have an espresso machine.  It was generously given to me at my birthday a number of years back (organized by my lovely husband) but I was rarely using it.  Coffee out was starting to add up and I realize I need to cut back.  SO two helpful friends helped show me how to use some of the functions and I'm now really excited about making coffee at home more often!  There are many things like this in my life...I often choose the easy or convenient way when I need to just find a way to make things work that I already have.  We'll see what other ways I find to cut back on spending and do more from home.

Who knew being intentional could be so rewarding and exciting!  I read a book recently too that helped me think more practically about these kinds of things: "the Happiness Project."  Worthwhile read.  I don't agree with some of her basis for things, nor do I agree that her formula will truly satisfy a person but there are a lot of good tips she has on this topic of being more intentional.  

a Hurricane needs to be Held

Like a little hurricane, Silas rages and fits around the house.  He becomes destructive, wreckless, distraught, emotional, and angry.

Then, mid-tantrum, in the eye of the storm there will be this innocent stillness about him.  A moment of recognizing un-met need.  

Silas will stop and whimper:

"Mommy, I need a snuggle."

What looked like fury, was actually fear. Even when all my ugliness is evident, am I loved?  Accepted?  Can I still return to safe arms?  

Would you believe, that at 28 years of age, I'm still a 2 year old?  

My emotions rage, my quick temper flares, my anger bashes against others, and my frustrations blow others away.  

But, If I stop and just look at what is really wrong, if I am just honest with myself I would see that: I just need a snuggle. An internal one.

Unconditional reassurance, love, and acceptance.

To be able to sigh deeply, as Silas does, and rest in bigger arms.

Good thing there is some One who is able to hold this hurricane and calm the storm raging in me.